The only time I am able to do difficult stuff is when I call upon my alter ego. My inner child gets so easily satisfied that she can be on high for the most simplest gesture or results. Lately I have been trying to satisfy her every wish. All her needs and fantasies are being met. She likes having her own way. All day I am at her beck and call, do this, do that, be this, be that, etc etc. Sometimes though I have to say no. Sometimes she becomes so afraid of the unknown that she is only willing to try what is familiar or what she has seen or lived before. She is drawn to anything or anyone that might give her what she’s looking for. Anything that will satisfy that longing or fill in that missing piece that is meant to make her feel complete. All day long she is drawn to whatever looks like what she needs. All her time is spent here the present looking back at the past while trying to predict the future. The only time she is willing to do anything is when she is sure of the outcome. Uncertainty scares her, unpredictability scares her, blocks her keeps her immobilised.

This is when my alter ego has to take the stage. My alter ego gives me the courage to face, be and do what I wouldn’t be able to do on my own. My alter ego has two sides one that is controllable and one that looks no one in the face, cares nothing about who gets hurt or how many casualties may fall by the wayside.

I call on my alter ego while keeping it in check. I can’t give it full control, every now and then if I’m not careful things can get out of control. I have to give small doses in those moments when it’s the only way to push myself to do what seems for me impossible. I have leveled, gone around and moved some of my biggest obstacles by calling on my alter ego. It’s like I become another person and what would usually be impossible for me becomes possible.

Right now I am going through a phase where the only way to get through it and pass it is to call on my alter ego. I need her more than ever. I am stuck on replay and the only way to stop repeating the same choices is to get the courage and the push that I need to do the impossible.

I have been helped in the past by my alter ego, my supernatural strength that I call upon when I have run out of solutions or ideas. I am at my weakest, and even though I know that nothing is like it seems my fears are much stronger than what I know to be true about myself. I know what I am capable of but I just can’t seem to find the courage to do it. My fears block me and I am once again like a child finding comfort only in what in reality is a distraction. I get distracted very easily, I lose interest in the things that I once strived to achieve.

I am fighting yet another of my many battles, me against myself and my limiting beliefs in what and who is right for me. I am going to need all the courage, confidence, faith, belief, perseverance, hope and strength that I can muster up. My alter ego has taken the stage and she’s ready to do the impossible come what may.